How to Install Love
Customer: Hello, is this Customer Service?
Customer Service Rep: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: I'm having trouble installing Love. Can you help?
I'm not very technical.
CS Rep: Yes, I can help. The first step is to open your HEART.
Have you located your HEART ma'am?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several
programs running right now. Is it okay to install
while they are running?
CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE,
LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE,and
RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically
erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system.
It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer
disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite
LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called
HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely
turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM.
Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed.
Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off.
Can you tell me how?
CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and
invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as
necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM
have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started
installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
CS Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that
says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you
see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the
base program. You need to begin connecting to
other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops...I have an error message
already. What should I do?
CS Rep: What does the message say?
Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT
RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS."
What does that mean?
CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common
problem. It means that the LOVE program is set
up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on
your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming
things, but In non-technical terms it means you
have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can
"LOVE" others.
Customer: So what should I do?
CS Rep: Can you find the directory called
"SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.
CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the
following files and then copy them
to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC,
SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and
GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any
conflicting files and begin patching any faulty
programming. Also, you need to delete
SELFCRITICIZE.EXE from all directories,
and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to
make sure it is completely gone and never comes
back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling
up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing
on my monitor right now and it shows that
WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM
are copying themselves all over my HEART!
CS Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running.
You should be able to handle it from here.
One more thing before I go...
Customer: Yes?
CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it
and its various modules to
everybody you meet. They will in turn share it
with other people and they will return some really
neat modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.
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