Coming Soon our New Book, which covers God's Plan, What Life is about, and a start up for those not hearing from God. All who donate $5 or more now will get our ebooks "Hearing From God" and the new book when it releases in late April by email.
1.
I'm A Spoon
4.
Pig-ipede
Bacon and legs!
5.
Escaped Midget!
6.
Polygon
7.
And In A Year I'll Be Five
8.
Cat Theorem:
9.
Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
10.
Espanol para Matadors
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.
11.
Baby Mama
12.
Yankees and the Lightbulb
13.
What is the difference between a Cat and a Frog?
14. Why was the cook arrested?
15. Why do Fish live in salt water?
16. Redneck Fly-swatter
17.
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, these tidbits may bring tears of joy to your eyes!
18.
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
Here are a few examples of our jokes:
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a spoon.?
Sit still and don't stir.?
2.
Lightbulb: Psychiatrist 2
How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but it takes five sessions.
3.
Singles
"I met my wife at a singles' bar."
"Really?"
"I thought she was home with the kids."
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
What do you call a psychic midget who just escaped from jail?
A small medium at large!
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?
What's a polygon?
A dead parrot.
A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground.
"I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted.
"So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."
A cat has nine tails.
Proof:
No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat. Therefore, a
cat has nine tails.
A: Senator.
Q: What does the blonde say to the doctor when she finds out she's pregnant?
A: Is it mine?
How many yankees does it take to screw in an lightbulb?
None. Thats what rednecks are for.
A Cat has nine lives.
A Frog croaks every night.
For beating up an egg.
Because they sneeze in pepper.
You might be redneck, if your fly-swatter doubles as your back scratcher.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a drink.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries!
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions.
What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."
For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
Services will be at Downing funeral home on Monday the 12th, due to the condition of the body; this will be a closed casket service. Please send your donations to the 'Think Before You Say Things to Your Wife Foundation', Dallas, Texas.