50 degrees - Miami residents turn on the heat.

45 degrees - Vermont residents go to outdoor concert.

40 degrees - You can see your breath, Californians

shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming.

35 degrees - Italians cars don't start.

32 degrees - Water freezes.

30 degrees - You plan your vacation in Australia.

25 degrees - Ohio water freezes, Californians weep pitiably,

Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming.

20 degrees - Politicians begin to talk about the homeless,

New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation

farther south.

15 degrees - French cars don't start, cat insists on sleeping

in your bed with you.

10 degrees - You need jumper cables to get the car going.

5 degrees - American cars don't start.

0 degrees - Alaskans put on T-shirts.

-10 degrees - German cars don't start, eyes freeze shut

when you step outside.

-15 degrees - You can cut your breath and use it to build

an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects,

Miami residents cease to exist.

-20 degrees - Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you,

politicians actually do something about the homeless,

Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don't

start.

-25 degrees - Too cold to think, you need jumper cables to

get the driver going.

-30 degrees - You plan a two week hot bath, Swedish

cars don't start.

-40 degrees - Californians disappear, Minnesotans button

top button, Canadians put on sweater, your car helps you

plan your trip South.

-50 degrees - Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close

the bathroom window.

-80 degrees - Polar bears move south, Green Bay Packer

(and Buffalo Bills) fans order hot cocoa at the game.

-90 degrees - Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.

-100 degrees - Hell freezes over, Clinton finally tells all.

Kenneth Starr moves in with Monica. Alaskans button top button.

Santa moves operations to Panama.