"squawk sheets." Squawk sheets are

maintenance forms filed by the flight crews

"to inform the maintenance crews of problems"

with the aircraft.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost

needs replacement."

Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."

Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."

Solution 1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."

Solution 2: "#1,#3, and #4 propellers lack normal

seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."

Solution: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."

Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main

landing gear."

Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."

Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."

Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.

Solution: Live bugs on order.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a

200 fpm descent.

Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: IFF inoperative.

Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

Solution: That's what they're there for.

Problem: Right engine sounds like little man with little

hammer on shut down

Solution: Remove hammer from little man

Problem: Cockpit is infested with little white spiders

Solution: stomp and squish as required