Women - a Man's Point of View
Pastor J. R. Wilhite, author
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You women out there are probably thinking, well, this should be good for a laugh.
But actually I think I have a handle on women, or at least as of a good handle on women as I do men.
I know you men think you know your wife, girlfriend, sister, mother, and female friends. Guess what? You may not. It will not hurt you to read this to be on the safe side.
What makes me an authority on the subject of women?
Well how about the fact my Pastor is a woman, Judith Harrington, and my Associate Pastor is a woman? I have had a mother, and I have two sisters, a daughter, and 95% of my ministry off-line is female. The average age of my ministry off-line is now 82.
Before any of you men, and especially you Pastors get turned off about my stating that my pastor is a woman, think of this, Jesus came to finish what was started in the law. A lot of areas we have seen completed, to the point they were not the same, and yes, I know the verses about women keeping silent. That was directed toward those wives with children who could miss something while taking care of the children. Instead of having the husband miss something trying to explain what the wife missed, the husband would teach her at home.
Also, we are all equal in grace. I will not disagree that some men need a man as a pastor as some women need a woman. Some men can handle a woman as a pastor, just as women handle men as pastors.
Remember what separated us at the beginning was not the physical differences because we are whole together, and only half as individuals. God removed something from Adam, meaning Adam and all men from then on were not whole. He created woman, and that meant all women could not be whole unless joined to the man they were taken out of. What we are missing they have, and what they are missing we have. We make a great team, if we can just get past some areas that divide us.
Also consider Adam never ate the fruit until he was no longer whole. Maybe it was not as much Eve as some want to believe. She was deceived; she did not sin, Adam did sin.
But for the sake of argument, let us all agree on one fact we would not be here without women. And some of us would not be what we are with out women.
Women in the past 20 years that I know of, and it most likely goes back to the beginning, have prayed a lot of men into the kingdom. A lot and I do mean A LOT of women have prayed for peace, salvation, healing, and more throughout time.
But let us go forward.
What good is a woman?
She can be a:
Of course these are not all. All of the above I can find in different women, in some more areas from the above list than others. But you know that the same goes for men.
Now men, do you really want your wife to love you? Then love them twice as much. Don't forget dates of importance, like anniversary, birthday, the day you met, and so on.
Always surprise her with flowers, never candy, in case she is on a diet.
Sometime send a dozen roses, and have a card with it read look in your purse and place jewelry in her purse. I did it one year, and it still is talked about. What is sad is that that sort of action should not stand out so much from the norm that a few years later it is still talked about in this way.
Don't ever mention weight. If she looks good tell her, but if she asks "Do I look fat in this dress?" or, "Does my rear look big?" Do not come back with "Not if you are trying to hide a 18 wheeler." If you do, well, we will see you on the other side.
Weight is touchy for women, more so than men. That's mainly because they are competing for our attention with other women. Women are more open and honest with each other.
We men do not get up in a group to go to the bathroom. If we asked another guy to go to the bathroom he might think we were off a little or even gay. But women, they like to go and may not even need to use the bathroom. They go to freshen up, or talk about us.
While they are gone we talk about everything except them. Look at what is happening, they are spending twice to three times as much time getting ready to go out with us to look good for us, while we take a shower, shave, think very little about what we will wear, and are ready a full half hour before them. But they debate the shoes, the dress, and the purse, everything to look just right. They are doing it for us; they are going out with us, so they want to look their best. Plus they like to look better than the other women there. Where we as men do not even notice what the other guys wear, the women will notice what most of the women wear. This is done within minutes; they will notice a woman wearing shoes that do not quite match the dress and so on.
Men do not always like going out. We are not into getting dressed up and the expense. The dressing up and expense is worth it when you consider that this is the woman you love, the mother of your children, and the person you will grow old with.
Before any of you email me, I know SOME of you men might enjoy going out and dressing up.
The woman likes the attention; she likes the chance to dress up, look nice, and go out, with out having to cook and clean up afterwards. It really is a small price to pay in all areas considering what it can do for your relationship.
It will do no good if you do not comunicate. Comunication is very important in any relationship. With women it is very important. Yes they want to hear about your day, they really do. But they want equal time, and not you just half-listening, but your whole attention.
The three most important things to make a relationship work is comunication, comunication, comunication. If you can not comunicate you are in deep trouble.
Try this when you get home, ask her how her day is, sit down, and talk. Give her the chance to sound off about her day. Be sure to listen; do not try to solve any problems she had, unless she asks. Just listen and be sympathetic to her needs. If you will spend just 30 minutes when you get home listening, and talking with her, not to her, or down at her, your relationship will improve, and improve. The idea is you begin to know each other even better.
This is the way a woman should be treated: talk to and with her on a daily basis, be sympathetic to her needs, really listen to her, share your day with her after she shares hers with you. Plan together, each of you budget together. Do not let one or the other do all the bookkeeping. Both do it. This gives you something to do together, and for both of you to see where the money is going. It also keeps both informed incase something happens to one or the other.
Next, plan a date once a month, yes, I mean a date. Take her out like you did before you got married. Try to remember what it was like before, and try to treat her this way.
Once a quarter or so, send her flowers, and once every 6 months plan a 3 day weekend alone where you will explore each other like a second honeymoon. On your anniversary treat her to a surprise, like what I did for my wife with the jewelry and flowers.
Some women will even be happy with you preparing a bath for them make it with fragrant bath oils, something to drink and some snacks that she enjoys, and let her relax. Afterwards give her a massage and let her drift off to sleep. This will be her night, if not on your anniversary on her birthday. Why do so much for her? What would Jesus do? Didn't He do it all for us? Don't be selfish, but selfless. The more you act selfless with a woman the more you will get. The principal of sowing and reaping works as well here as anywhere and sometimes even better.
Don't even think for a second if you do this for her on her birthday that she will not reciprocate on your birthday.
Always plan things on special days accordingly, her birthday for her, the man's birthday for the man. On your anniversary plan ways to please the other. If the husband likes golf, go with him on his birthday, or arrange for him to play 18 holes with his friends.
Do the same for her, and one day a week plan a day for friends, the girls night out and the boys night out. I do not mean club hopping for men or women, but maybe the guys get together to watch a game and the ladies go shopping.
What ever you do, do it for her, not for you and it will come back to you.
What you've got to remember is they appear to be more emotional than men, they really are not. They just allow it to show more than men, and when men hold the emotions in it makes it hard to understand what you do not embrace and have in your life. As such, you have a hard time understanding the woman in your life.
ostly they want to be treated as an equal, talked with, not at, respected, and loved.
Try doing what a woman does for their pay, clean house, cook, doing laundry, raising kids, caring for a husband, and be a wife. Their job is 7 days a week 24 hours a day. Even if they work outside the home, I bet they are doing more of this than you. You may be justifying it with the idea you are the majority of the bread winner, or your job has more stress or requires more time at home to prepare for. But you are wrong. It does not matter if she brings in $1.00, $100, or one million dollars, any work can be stressful from flipping burgers at Jack in the Box to being a CEO of a major corp. It requires as many hours. So where do you get off letting her do more than you? She is not your mother or slave, so don't treat her like one.
Men need to take half of the housework and raising of the kids as their responsibility, and do not argue, you went in this with your eyes open. So give her a chance to relax some as well. If you both work, then one night you cook, one night she does, one night out, and each night do the dishes together. If she does not work out of the house she does work in it. Remember those clean clothes you wear and the towel you used to shower? Who cleaned them? How about the food? Who went to the store? The list goes on.
I think by now you men are getting the idea, and ladies this is not a chance to push it all off on the men. You have contributed to the situation you are in, and if it is abusive, get out. No one deserves to be treated wrong. For those of you who do not understand why wives, children and sometimes husbands will stay in an abusive relationship (and even defend the one being abusive) here are three reasons:
en who mistreat women or children, well God forgives, but I am human and I think you need your head examined -- in a jar.
What about mothers?
We all have one, would you want your dad or any man to mistreat her?
Don't you want your dad to take care of your mom?
Of course, so remember your wife is a mom. Treat her as you would want your dad to treat your mom. If that is not good enough, as Jesus loves you, love her.
As far as your mom goes, love her, take care of her, and when she gets old do not let her go to a nursing home unless there is absolutely no other choice or it has to be for her well being. Remember what you sow you will reap. I deal with a lot of mothers, grandmothers, and great-grand mothers at nursing homes, and the one thing I have learned is those who were not there for their parents or children, were very lonely for 5, 10, 20 years in the nursing home. Imagine being 75 and living 20 more years with strangers.
The whole point is God gave us three precious gifts:
Don't take advantage of them, do not ignore or abuse them, and you will have a great life here and in the one to come. Remember to be honest with your wife, she will share the load with you. No matter how bad it can get, you will always have her, if you take care of her.
We have all read Ruth, and Esther two women of the Bible (if not read them), well here is my favorite Proverb and it is about women.
10
Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.11
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.12
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.13
She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.14
She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.15
She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.16
She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.17
She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.18
She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.19
She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.20
She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.21
She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.22
She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.23
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.24
She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.25
Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.26
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.27
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.28
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.29
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.30
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.31
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.Prov 31:10-31 (KJV)
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