The Catholic Dictionary


Humor:

(In all fairness to Catholics this also can be for the most part any church)

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: 1. Parish information, read only during the homily. 2.

Catholic air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the

congregation to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher

than that of the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more

quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges

with good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELIEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize

besides gyros and baklava.

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't

covered by an HMO. 2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday

travel has always been rough.

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass,

consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners

looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass - led

by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually

know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David

Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating

capacity of a pew.

Contributed by: Moodyfan

The tithe is more than just giving 10% to a church, it is a way for God to have authority in your life over all that matters, your income, your growth, even relationships.


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