Things People Say in Court
Humor:
Thanks to Kim for these...
The following are actual statements made during court
cases:
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Judge: I know you, don't I?
The tithe is more than just giving 10% to a church, it is a way for God to have authority in your life over all that matters, your income, your growth, even relationships.
Defendant: Uh, yes.
Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you?
Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you?
Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me.
Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie.
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Judge: The charge here is theft of frozen chickens.
Are you the defendant?
Defendant: No, sir, I'm the guy who stole the chickens.
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Lawyer: How do you feel about defense attorneys?
Juror: I think they should all be drowned at birth.
Lawyer: Well, then, you are obviously biased for the
prosecution.
Juror: That's not true. I think prosecutors should be
drowned at birth too.
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Lawyer questioning his client on the witness stand...
Plaintiff's Lawyer: What doctor treated you for the injuries you
sustained while at work?
Plaintiff: Dr. J.
Plaintiff's Lawyer: And what kind of physician is Dr. J?
Plaintiff: Well, I'm not sure, but I remember that you said he
was a good plaintiff's doctor.
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Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.
Judge: Can't they do without you at work?
Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.
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Lawyer: Tell us about the fight.
Witness: I didn't see no fight.
Lawyer: Well, tell us what you did see.
Witness: I went to a dance at the Turner house, and as the men
swung around and changed partners, they would slap each other,
and one fellow hit harder than the other one liked, and so the
other one hit back and somebody pulled a knife and someone else
drew a six-shooter and another guy came up with a rifle that
had been hidden under a bed, and the air was filled with
yelling and smoke and bullets.
Lawyer: You, too were shot in the fracas?
Witness: No sir, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
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Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.
Judge: And why is that?
Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested
in my case.
Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on
the defendant's motion?
Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.
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Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkenness.
Have you anything to say in your defense?
Defendant: Habitual thirstiness?
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