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"Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite
 fast food when you were growing up?" "We didn't have fast food when I was
 growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow." "C'mon, seriously.  Where
 did you eat?" "It was a place called 'at home,'" I explained. "Grandma
 cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the
 dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed
 to sit there until I did like it."
 By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to
 suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to
 have permission to leave the table.

 But here are some other things I would have told him about my  childhood
 if I figured his system could have handled it:

 Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levi's, set  foot on a
 golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card.

 In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card.
 The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck.
 Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

 My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we
 never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50
 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).

 We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had

 one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a
 piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue,
 like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was
 red.
 It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across
 someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front
 of the TV to make the picture look larger.

 I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie." When
 I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off,
 swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still
 the best pizza I ever had.

 We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our
 family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine."

 I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in
 the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had
 to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using
 the line.

 Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.

 All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers.
 I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of
 which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On 

 Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite

 customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change.

 My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on

 collection day.

 Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut At least, they did in the
 movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French 

 kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in

 French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them.

 If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want
 to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren.  Just
 don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

 Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

 MEMORIES from a friend: My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house
 (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle.  

 In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately
 what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it
 a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the
 ironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons.

 Man, I am old. How many do you remember?
 Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
 Ignition switches on the dashboard.
 Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
 Real ice boxes.
 Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
 Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
 Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

 Older Than Dirt Quiz: Count all the ones that you truly remember ~ not
 the ones you were told about - Ratings at the bottom.

 1. Blackjack chewing gum
 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
 3. Candy cigarettes
 4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
 5. Coffee shops or diners with table side juke boxes
 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
 7. Party lines
 8. Newsreels before the movie
 9. P.F. Flyers
 10. Butch wax
 11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (OLive-6933)
 12. Peashooters
 13. Howdy Doody
 14. 45 RPM records
 15. S&H Green Stamps
 16. Hi-fi's
 17. Metal ice trays with lever
 18. Mimeograph paper
 19. Blue flashbulb
 20. Packards
 21. Roller skate keys
 22. Cork popguns
 23. Drive-ins
 24. Studebakers
 25. Washing machines with wringers; and wash tubs for rinsing

 If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
 If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
 If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age
 If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!
 I might be older than dirt but those memories are the best  part of my
 life.
 ..
 "Senility Prayer".. God grant me... The senility to = forget the  people I
 never liked The good fortune to run into the ones that I do And the
 eyesight to tell the difference."


 



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