Before you read this study understand that we do not teach, we share and then ask all who read the following take it to God and verify it with Him. We believe a lot of the world is misled by the church of the world and religion vs the one true church. And to know the truth can only come from knowing, not just knowing of God, John 14:26, I John 2:27, Rev 3:19-22.
Many are called but few are chosen because many are misled by false teachers Matthew 7:13-15 so we help all who wants to know the truth how to find and know the truth of and by God and not of and by man.



Keys to Making A Good Marriage


Pastor J. R. Wilhite, author   Close Window

A good marriage is based on the dead opposite of what a bad marriage is based on.

Key #1 Love

If there is not love, there is no hope of the marriage to make it. You have to at least have some love, a seed of some sort to grow, without which a marriage is doomed before it even starts.

What about contract marriages?

First a contract marriage is where two families have agreed their children will marry, sometimes even before they can talk.

These seem to work some what, but not in the true sense of marriage more as a contract. A woman supplies the man with children and takes care of the children, household and so on. While the man supplies the income. A marriage of tradition or contract is like a marriage between two companies. Even though there is no love due to the contract it will work based on each getting what they want from the marriage. Do not forget that the two people often grow to love each other after they get to know their partner.

Love in marriage needs to be unconditional love. Like the love God shows to us, or ( I hate to use this, but it is one of the best comparisons) like what a dog has for its master.

There is no single thing that can be pointed to and say that is why you love each other. Because there is no single reason, is why a marriage based in this love will last.

When your love is based in things, sex, money, looks, fame, or so on, then there is a place where it can fail, and it will fail in time.

Example: The head cheerleader in high school marries the quarter back from the high school football team. She marries him due to his position and looks. He marries her for her looks. In time when things start to drop and fall apart this love drops and falls apart.

When I mentioned love as a dog has for its master, I was talking about how a dog will love its master no matter if they have money, power, fame, just as long as they will feed them, spend time with them and love them.

Key #2 Comunication

For instance one of the keys to a good marriage is comunication, while a lack of comunication will lead to a bad marriage.

Comunication is not just saying hello, or being some what intimate in bed.

True comunication is talking daily, not just a few minutes, but for at least 20-30 minutes. If you have the time and can talk longer it can help. Yes, I know there are always those days that you are doing good to talk for 2 minutes. Just do not allow that to become the norm.

My wife and I have gotten to the point where we talk about everything from the weather to politics together. Early on in our marriage there were topics that we did not agree on and could not talk about with out problems. We may still not agree, but we can talk about the topic and not have the problems we once had.

Why?

First, my wife was the most stubborn person when it came to our marriage making it. She was not about to let anything stop us from becoming one.

Next we both learned how to pray and listen for God's guidance in our comunications (actually in all areas of our lives).

We had things in comon that helped. We both had children about the same age and wanted a girl.

God blessed us and gave us a little girl. So we had 3 boys and 1 girl. So we had comon areas in our children.

We also liked movies a great deal, so we talked about movies we had seen.

Music varied a little, we both liked Rock N Roll, but I liked classical, jazz, R&B, she did too, but not as much as I did. Now I like Christian and classical mostly, where she still likes Rock N Roll and Christian. But these differences help make us individuals not mere reflections of one another. If that happens the marriage can be boring.

We could sit out and watch a sun set and talk until the moon was out.

Over the years she and I have learned what subjects were better left alone (as time goes by they become less and less). We have also grown alike in many ways, especially in our talks.

I keep very little from her as she does me. The only thing I keep from her is when we are hurting financially. Or at least how bad we are hurting financially.

We both love animals, cats, dogs, horses and so on. We both are looking forward to leaving the city and living in the country so we can have all the animals we want.

By now you should be seeing what I am trying to show you. It is talking and listening to each other that is one of the most important keys to a good marriage.

If you do not talk you will grow apart.

Key #3 Things in Comon and things not in comon

You can not comunicate or even truly love someone if you have nothing in comon.

Having everything in comon can make a marriage dull after awhile.

It is best to find things in comon and try to do these together and use them as subjects for talks.

Let's say you both like to scuba dive. If you can not afford to do it but once a year, then you can plan for that once a year. Read articles together about places that are great for scuba diving, new technology and equipment that is available, or coming out soon.

Gardening is a great way to spend time together. Yes, guys, you can garden also, it is good exercise and fun to watch what you plant grow.

It gives you a comon area to shop for new plants, or flowers, then to plant them and tend them together, and of course to watch them grow.

My wife does the gardening, I do the mowing, edging, weed eating, and watering.

I am not as good as she is in gardening, as far as plants and flowers, but I do enjoy the yard and helping it stay trimed and green.

Guys, it would not hurt to shop once in a while with your wife to see what see enjoys. Now I do not mean 10 minutes and you are looking at your watch, but help her choose the outfit, try to be interested. I am not saying all the time, but once in a while. I enjoy my wife modeling for me when we go shopping.

Ladies, it would not hurt to try to understand a little about sports. This does not mean watching every game on TV, but knowing enough to talk to your husband about it on an occasional basis.

Then it is healthy to have some things that are just our own.

So try to work out that at least half of your things you have are in comon and enjoyed by both. Another 20% of items you are working together to have in comon, these may be new areas. And about 10% that you try to share that is the other's area of enjoyment, like shopping and sports. And the last 20% that is your own area.

Key #4 Anger

My wife and I are very different when it comes to our anger and how we show it.

She wants to vent and yell, while I am quiet and want to meditate and get over it.

This took a while for us to get used to our different ways.

I will apologize to end a fight where she will stick to her guns, right or wrong.

How do we make it being so different in this, easy, we do not fight. We have learned to allow the other to work it out.

Yes, we do disagree and a few years ago we even fought about things, but now we can read each other so well we avoid the other until they are over their anger.

We found out that most (95%) of all of our fights were not due to us being mad at each other as much as it was we were already mad and took very little to set us off.

If one of us comes home mad, we avoid the other knowing that if we were a part of the reason for the others anger we would already be involved.

So what causes anger?

Lack of knowledge, stress, offense, and strife .

There are many others, but they are ones that can be overcome if there is trust, like jealousy, mistrust, and so on.

So, how does lack of knowledge cause a problem or what kind of lack of knowledge?

For one, not knowing your partner's ways and avoiding them when they are mad at the world and not you.

Stress brings anger on to most because they are like a boiler that only can handle 250%, but has already gotten to 300%.

Stress affects all areas physical, emotions, spirit, mind. Stress in metal is when a piece of metal is at its point of breaking. We are the same and when we break we lash out at who ever is at hand. If this happens at work and we cannot release our stress due to the only one there is the boss, we could get us fired. So, we let it boil and by the time we get home we are now at 350%.

When we get offended we also lash out at others or hold in until we blow up.

Being offended means you have allowed something or someone else to take control of your self-control. Meaning you have lost it due to an action out side of your control or at least that is how you perceive it.

Getting offended usual happens when some one makes an off hand coment or some sort of strife has entered. For instance, someone cuts you off on the road while you are driving.

A reMark about your appearance, work, spouse or children can offend us if we are not careful.

When I say careful I mean that in most cases offense and strife can be avoided.

On December 23, 1999, at 11PM I was driving 80 in a 45, and if a car would have been in my way I would have shot around it. Now the other person in the other car could get offended, mad or in strife over my driving, while never realizing I was rushing my 18 year old to the hospital while he was throwing up blood. We have no idea if a person who cut us off, may just not have seen us; we have all done that.

What we should do is pray that they make it safe to where ever they are going.

Coments can be one of the biggest obstacles to overcome. I have been guilty of making coments that got people mad or in strife or offense. I did not mean to, and it was not my idea to do so. I may have said something that any other time would not have been a big deal. But because the person was already mad or in offense, what I said just fueled the fire with out my ever knowing it.

2 Corinthians 10

  1. Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

Why are we to cast down imaginations and bring every thought to the obedience of Christ?

Because we have an enemy, Satan, and he is trying to force every un-godly thought into our head he can.

He also knows our buttons; he places a thought that seems to be ours but it is a little out of line, a thought that will cause us say something that will push those buttons.

In marriage this can be devastating. Here you make a simple coment, but it is just the right moment for that coment to fuel anger, strife or offense in who we are talking to.

Key #5 House Work

If you both work, split the household chores 50/50.

Either every other day or week each takes certain cleaning jobs to do.

Like this week the man will cook and clean the dishes.

The woman will do the wash, dust and vacuum. It is simple things like this that will help remove any areas in your lives that would make the other feel like they are being taken advantage of.

The same goes for the yard, do it together. The more you do together and work on together the more you will have in comon.

Key #6 Keep the Spice in the Marriage

Keeping the spice in a marriage is not as hard as you can imagine. Men, don't let your eye wonder to other women.

So many men hit 40 - 50 years old and start looking at younger women and sometimes leave their wife for a younger woman.

Guys, this is so unfair. She was there with you through all the good times, but also all the bad. There is no younger woman who can fill in the memories you are going to have, and no younger woman is better than your wife. She knows you, and can make you happier than any one else.

Ladies do not allow the man to look else where, sometimes surprise him. Show him how much you know him, please him, and most men will stay home.

Guys, once in a while get home early and clean the place and fix her favorite meal.

Ladies, once in a while get home early and clean the place up, pack the kids up to a friends house and get in your sexiest outfit and fix a romantic dinner.

Remember this is a two way street, both have to take care of the other.

Proverbs 31

1. The words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him.

2. What, my son? and what, the son of my womb? and what, the son of my vows?

3. Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.

4. It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink:

5. Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.

6. Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.

7. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.

8. Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction.

9. Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.

10. Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Always remember why you married, and do not let the fire to go out.

The best way to make a marriage work is to try to please the other with all that is in you, and if your spouse does the same, you both will be pleased.

There are more keys, but these are the main ones, and if you read this study over and over again, you will grow closer in your marriage.

God Bless You as you hear His words and follow His leading.




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